Top 10 Reasons Why People From Melbourne Are Better Than You
Here are my Top 10 Reasons Why People From Melbourne Are Better Than You.
The Melbourne Cafe culture is second to none with trendy street side alfresco options, twisting tucked away laneways & out of the way no name, no sign haunts. A coffee run has never been so complicated with the gourmet, organic, over the top ridiculousness of inventive coffee varieties on offer.
‘I’ll have a single blend, skinny soy milk, mocha latte, half cap with cruelty free ground up peppermint crystals, topped with shaved Easter eggs stolen from a child’s back garden on Easter Sunday – Grande’
9 Ground Zero For Hipsters & Everything Cool
The Kelly gang have nothing on groups of 20 something’s navigating around Brunswick Street on ‘fixie’ bicycles sporting three fingers length of beard growth, grandpa’s cardigan, sleeve tattoos, testicle squeezing jeans whilst swiggin’ on an organic peach juice in a jam jar. Understated ‘cool’ is the order of the day. Or was that yesterday?
8 Best Sporting Scene In The World
Formula One Grand Prix, Grand Slam Tennis, Aussie Rules & Cricket to name just a few. The sporting choices are the best, the stadiums are the best, the fans are the best and we are the best.
7 Horses Are Not Just For Degenerate Gamblers
The Spring Carnival is a place to max out ones credit card on dresses, heels & headwear whilst sipping champagne in the exclusivity of member’s marquees.
The dull ‘sport’ of polo is a sophisticated elitist’s breeding ground where rich snobbery attracts a class of people suffering a severe superiority complex.
6 Culture Capital
‘Sydney is so overrated and has no culture whatsoever’, says every Melbournian to anyone who will listen. The cultural overflow is something you live, feel and breathe everyday. It is the DNA of Melbourne. Simply put, it is never simply put and is more closely akin to mythical propaganda than actually something tangible. There is of course the Collingwood football club fan culture that involves having no teeth.
Move over Milan, Melbourne is fashionistas central. On the cutting edge of style, street trends and words like couture used with as much reckless regard as the leading role in The Devil Wears Prada. Melbourne fashion week is the place to break out your best ‘blue steel’ and be seen in a droopy hat and don’t forget to roll up your trousers gentlemen and expose those irresistible ankles, it really gets the models going.
The food is so good you need to enter a ballot with 250,000 others for the privilege of paying $525 for a dinner (before drinks) at the Fat Duck Restaurant Melbourne opening.
‘Lucky’ diners receive a take home gift, adding to the overwhelming excitement of a $1000 plus dinner for two. A piece of an interactive jigsaw puzzle piece that is only completed once the last meal is served!
3 Paris of the South
Has been referred to as Paris of the South, however Paris can hardly hold a candle to Melbourne. Paris is commonly known for holding a consistent weather pattern all day, whereas Melbourne can have up to four seasons in one single day. The museums in Melbourne have much finer artworks than those boring mainstream renaissance pieces, ‘the Mona Lisa is tiny’ Who needs the Eiffel Tower when you have the Melbourne Spire reaching for the heavens*
*Heaven airspace begins at 167metres in Melbourne
Melbourne nightlife is the veritable cherry on top of a day you thought you could never ever beat. Get out of Melbourne proper and check out the imaginative pub conversions of inner city Richmond with very reasonable $20 cover charges. Understanding bouncers that look for any excuse to refuse you entry after an extended line up give that heightened feeling of importance when you actually get inside and pay $11 for a vodka. Be sure to enjoy a kebab on the walk home, the perfect anesthesia for the black eye you just received in the street fight outside of the pub.
Melbourne has been awarded the world’s most livable city four years running. You may wonder what this actually means? After extensive research, the code has officially been cracked. Living in Melbourne actually increases your lifespan exponentially. Melbourne citizens live on average a total of 250 years. On top of increased life, every day starts with a perfect rainbow curving its glorious colours from your door step to the tram stop, where your tram arrives at the exact time you do. A window seat is always free as the perfect morning sun rises, bathing the best city in the world in a warm golden glow. You work at your dream job with minimum wage now set at 1 million dollars per year. As you keep hearing, very livable indeed.